she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
