I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
