we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
