hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
