The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
