I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
