Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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