She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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