I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
