I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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