from now on my penis is your penis
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
