So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
