I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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