he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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