just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Less talking, more tequila
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
