Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
