Don't you send me to vm
"it" just moved
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Randomize
