you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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