Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
