Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
