I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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