He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
