remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
