I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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