I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
