I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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