Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
