I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
