Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
