DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What a dumb baby whore.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
