I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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