I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
