he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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