I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
