Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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