He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
