so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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