Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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