Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
