You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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