The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
