If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
