like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
