we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
