Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
