I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
