this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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