Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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