she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
