I just saw a hot homeless man
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
