And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
