in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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