My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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