i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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