It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Randomize
