some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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