is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
