it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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