This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
